Birthday Party Behavior

Today one of Pearl's classmates had a birthday party at our local indoor trampoline play place.  When I think about it now, situations like this have always been difficult for her.  As soon as we step in the door it's as if she has lost the ability to hear my voice.  I try to stay close by and keep an eye on her in the chaos of places like this.  Several times today, while trying to direct her to the thing she asked to do (entrance to the maze, which line to wait in for the foam pit, which side of the inflatable slide to enter) she jerks away from my touch and absolutely will not listen to a thing I'm saying.  I have always chalked this up to bad parenting on my part.  Feeling like maybe I'm too tough on her at home, and she knows she can act up and get away with it in public.    

Her behavior made a little more sense to me today when considering the possible of a sensory integration issue or ADD / ADHD.  But that's only based on Google...not a very official diagnosis.  Either way my heart is still breaking for this beautiful girl of mine.  I'm starting to suspect that she doesn't "get" it when it comes to interacting with girls her own age.  Perhaps she plays too rough, or can't stay focused on what they're doing for a long enough period of time...

  Several times today she tried to join the group of girls from her class, and 3 of the 4 times they "huddled up" and left her alone playing at whatever they had been doing previously.  She didn't seem to bothered by it, but boy I am.  I feel so defensive when I see behavior like this toward my child.  One little girl even started crying when her mom tried to make her play with my Pearl.  Heart.Broken.  

I suppose it's good that she carried on her merry way as if nothing was bothering her.  I'm afraid this attitude will be short-lived.  Especially as we join the public school craziness this fall.  Kids can be so mean when they notice anything different.  It makes me think of so many times I behaved this way in my own childhood.  I can so clearly see now that I was only invited to birthday parties when other kids had parents who insisted.  I couldn't control my behavior and was often the butt of many jokes.  Things like this can be SO damaging to a young girl's self esteem.  I know this from experience.  If there's anything I can do to help her avoid those miserable feelings of despair I will do it in a second.  I specifically remember feeling so frustrated and embarrassed  because I couldn't seem to "get it together" and just "act like those other girls".  I also remember the deep shame that comes along with feeling as though you're a disappointment to your parents just by being yourself.  I'm committed to making sure she doesn't have to go through life with those burdens.

Another odd thing I noticed today was that she had to put her hands on EVERY.SINGLE.THING in this place.  Each video game, air hockey table, gumball dispenser was handled by her at a near frantic pace.  She couldn't walk past the baby area with large foam blocks with out touching them as well.  

None of these issues are the stop-me-in-my-tracks sort of thing.  But I feel as though so many of the "odd" little quirks may have an explanation.  Things like:

 aversion to loud sounds - she can't be near the bathroom if I'm using the blow dryer.  

extreme difficulty in changes to routine - we've jokingly called her "our little rainman" since she was 6 months old.  Even as a tiny baby she needed a very consistent routine

She HATES jeans.  Won't wear them unless we force her too.  Says they're "too scratchy"

Chewing on things when nervous

Seems to lack the ability to stay in her seat at the dinner table

Doesn't like to focus on things that take sustained mental activity.  Won't play any of the "reading" or "math" games on her InnoTab.  

I'm relieved and feeling a little overwhelmed by all of this right now.  I'm so lucky to have such wonderful support in my  life.  My husband, dear friends with a deep love of helping and advocating for children, friends with similar experiences from their own children, family members whose children have similar problems.  We're really learning to reach for those who can hold us up in times when it feels like we can't do it for ourselves.  And I am SO thankful for that.